More channeled chanting as I walked the dogs. Feeling upset, and with a recalcitrant mind, there were much more resistances to the spirit today than usual. It really had to reason with me, and gradually break down all of my barriers, before there was any sort of unity or peace. I had to remind myself that this is what I wanted – that, in being truly spontaneous and connected with things, does not always mean exactly following the same rituals every day. Sure, it is good to recite the Tao Te Ching – but, living the spontaneity that the Tao Te Ching teaches is much better. Though my bonds are being loosened, I am still caught in a rut, and bound by so many self-imposed restrictions of the mind.
The great thing about these chants is that, I don’t understand their meaning, I can’t intellectualize them, and I can’t really control them – I just have to be completely receptive to them. This is why I got the Earth Hexagram the other day – as I sign to be receptive like Earth, so that the seeds of shamanism and my psychic abilities can all be planted therein. I really need to kill my limiting, rational mind, as it is the source of almost all of my suffering.
The spirit today was Native American, and Chinese at times. I could see the Chinese man in his embroidered finery, taking part in a festival of dragons, dancing wildly in time with crashing cymbals and other powerful, shamanic trance music. I wanted to dance too. I feel like I need to go somewhere alone in the wild, or come together with others who would understand, to truly embrace this shamanic awakening. I cannot resist this. I must not be slow, like Carlos Castaneda, though it seems he and I share more of the same problems than I’ve thought. So much to still unlearn. So, so much!
The Native American spirit was more typical, had dark hair, traditional clothing, and three eagle feathers in his hair. He was alone and peaceful. I am trying to remember some of the specific advice they gave me, as it was quite profound. Being a channel for these spirits – who are all versions of me – is a bit like being worn as a pair of clothes. I just have to let their choices be my own, and not fear them, as they are working for the good of me, and the good of everyone – agents of wisdom and the spirit. I guess my fear is that they might make me do something dangerous while I am absent – but, not only is the danger necessary, but the greatest danger is really not following their wisdom, and allowing it to return to me as my own.