It is the opening night of a rather intricate performance I am involved. It is a stage performance, and there are lots of differing scenes of differing styles in which I have a variety of monologues. However, my attitude to the show has been so relaxed, that I realize I do not actually know any of my lines, and may just have to make them up. I have several monologues towards the end of the show, one in which I think I take on the role of a great Buddha or Bodhisattva, possibly Manjushri or Maitreya. I am debating whether I have time to look through my script , or whether I should just go out and wing it. I feel a little ashamed of myself, as I am usually so well prepared and rehearsed.
I wake up at one point, and then return to the dream, feeling very relieved that I don’t actually have to learn anything at all. The Muppets Show. Someone is talking to me about a sequence so embarrassing that it had be cancelled. Theatre. Large rooms of people.
Also, after sharing a joke, I used it to share a protracted hug with a female friend. It is a very close and emotional hug, and very enjoyable to experience.
Opening night. I have two shows coming up – The Wizard of Oz, and my gig on Friday. It is true that I have not rehearsed very intensely for either of them, so there are insecurities about how well it will go, especially the gig. Feelings of being unprepared. Improvisation. Only becoming fully aware of responsibilities when perhaps it is too late to live up to them.
Some of the monologues are speeches in the form of a Buddha or Bodhisattva. Wanting to enlighten other beings and become a living Buddha, but feeling unprepared or unfit for the role. My current insecurity about my worthiness as a Buddhist/teacher due to the lack of my consummate ability to always master my wily energy. Fear of having my failings and unprofessionalism openly displayed to the public. But the setting of a theatre just reminds me that life is all an illusion anyway, and that, like in the theatre, after a performance, we can always take off out self-limiting identities and return to the source.
The Muppets. Often used as slang to describe a fool or a moron. I feel stupid, or am associating with foolish people? Puppets are controlled rather than controlling. Having my strings pulled by others? Or watching how easily others have their strings pulled? Fear of using my wisdom and insight to unconsciously manipulate others.
I travel through lots of very beautiful, but dangerous and remote mountain regions. Mountains usually indicate oncoming obstacles that must be climbed and surmounted. That they are very high indicates the potential level of difficult. But, climbing over a high obstacle, we become high too. The beauty also shows the beauty and joy that can result from having the fortitude to overcome difficult situations and be transformed by them. I think we go on a railway. Life’s journey. Unknown terrain.
Hug from female friend. Coming to terms with the effect she has had on my life, and feeling comfortable with her. Using lightness to attain deep intimacy. Humour as a gateway to closeness. Embracing and coming together with others. Allowing such things to happen spontaneously, instead of through strategized contrivance.