Poem: Spiritual Slob


I disgrace myself

In every possible way

I am not a god

But a natural disaster

Who is also a god

If you’re going to worship me

I pray you do it sloppily

Set fire to your hair accidentally

Whilst lighting a candle to me

Stumble when you prostrate

And don’t forget to have a foul-tasting beer

Every time you chant my name

“We’re all in this together,” I say

As I wipe the spittle from your chin

May you never be too lofty

To shit all over yourself

A misplaced bowel movement

First thing in the morning

Makes reality want to shake my hand




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