Dream Diary: Sleeping on the River

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I enter some underground world that is meant to be a recreation of some Tibetan paradise. It sounds like an idealized, ancestral culture. The practice that really stayed with me from the dream is that all the members of these tribes would go to sleep by swaddling themselves in enormous leaves, and just float down the beautiful warm river. It was completely safe to do this – and, because they all had a peripatetic lifestyle and no permanent encampment, it was of no consequence to them if the river carried them to a completely new place. They would just move on, and adapt to wherever they found themselves when they woke up, because the land would always give them what they needed.

I was encouraged to try out for myself this technique of river sleeping, and it was incredibly relaxing and comforting, being held lovingly in the all-embracing flow of this magical river. The landscape seemed to be tinged with blue, and the spiritual beings who lived there were also floating down the rapids.

When we returned to the surface, the place where this wonderland was stored just seemed to be a somewhat dingy old mining facility. As we came out, I could see the shimmering of water on the ceiling and was wondering where it was coming from. There was a pail of water on the other side of the room. Perhaps that was the source of the river?

Interpretation:

Mystic wonderland underground. This is an exhortation to return to the source, to the beautiful mystic realms and ancient Ways that exist within me. My meditation and general awareness has been far too shallow lately, and if I really want to feel happy and interconnected again, I must return fully to them.

Sleeping on the flowing river – allowing myself to relax in the all-embracing current of The Way. Trusting myself to this Ancestral Force, knowing that I can even go to sleep in it, and lose myself in it, without having to worry about danger; always knowing that I will always be able to adapt and find nourishment in whatever new locale of experience I happen to find myself. That this wonderland is meant to be Tibet in some way is also a suggestion from the spirit that I need to bring back awareness to my past life identities, and interweave them beneficially with the awareness of my current existence.

But the wonderland is just contained within an ugly mineshaft. A reminder that the supernatural hides within the natural – that the waking time and dream time are one – that reality and delusion always co-exist. (The wonderland is reality, the normal world is delusion). The mine-shaft is actually a mind-shaft – a reminder of the need to always dig in as deep as I can into the primordial origins of my consciousness, and that, like the ripple effect on the ceiling, the reflection of the sublime can always be witnessed in the waking world.

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Diary of a Mystic: Vajra Lands

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First thoroughly enjoyable and integrative meditation since I first came down with this illness. Given all the anger, bitterness, and ill-will I’ve been experiencing as a side effect over these last few days, I decided to use Vajrayogini’s mantra to help me eat up and transform these unpleasant emotions. And it certainly worked, as I feel much more gentle and mentally pliable now than the misanthrope I’ve been masquerading as for these last few days.

The energy that envelops everything was no longer kept at a distance from me that horrifying fever fire, but could actually fully enter into my being. It was truly blissful and pleasurable, as though my being was gently being suffused with yogurt, milk, ambrosia, or some other sweet elixir of the Gods.

The initial imagery was of some jungles, and a face that looked rather Mongolian. But, to my knowledge, I don’t think Mongolia is a jungle terrain, so it was more likely a Chinese kingdom I was seeing, or maybe even something from Central or South America.

Then the scene takes an almost anime turn, two beautiful lovers, in a watery, nebulous, rainbow space. It is quite indistinct, but I feel very turned on and sensual, a delicious sense of hyper-sexual unity that continues throughout the meditation.

There is one scene that almost feel like a living painting. We are sailing down this psychedelic, jungle river. All these beautiful and mysterious creatures lurk elegantly along the banks. Roaming through clouds and beautiful vajra lands.

Diary of a Mystic: Rhino

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A lot of incredibly powerful wrathful energy came through me yesterday evening. It was a very unusual experience, like being a child, I felt incredibly happy and ecstatic, yet also very quick to wrath, and felt anger about a lot of things. It began when I was preparing for my massage, and then came through as a black Dakini-like figure during the massage – my face was contorting, and I was struggling quite a lot not to go into trance right there in the middle of the session! Had it been a friend accustomed to such things, I might have allowed it; but I had a responsibility to he client, and could not go full shaman in that moment. One day, I will do, when I have clients coming to me precisely for that reason.

I decided to subdue it by meditating after my bath, and doing a Vajrayogini meditation. Though my parents had gone to bed, I still felt impelled to chant spontaneously in that mysterious Asiatic language. It was a lovely, serene meditation, and I felt soothed very quickly, like entering into deep space, occasionally suffused by a beautiful dark blue light.

At one point, I saw a rhino before me, and I quickly became the rhino. I could feel the power of its enormous horn protruding from my third eye. I was strong, stolid, stable, serene and silent. A heavy piece of ponderous peace. Here is a list of attributes associated with the rhino as a spirit animal:

  • Agility
  • Solitary
  • Wisdom
  • Paradox
  • Freedom
  • Stability
  • Gratitude
  • Longevity
  • Judgment
  • Grounding
  • Peace of Mind
  • Self-Assurance
  • Unconventional
  • Sensory Perception

 

I would say all of these are extremely relevant to my current experience. More and more I am relishing my solitude and freedom from all constraints. The need for stability as I acquire ever greater and more volatile sources of energy. Gratitude for everything, especially the opportunity to love and serve all beings. Judgement, so that I have the perspicacity to still do the right thing, and not allow the impulsiveness of these new energy flows to get the better of me. And I feel thoroughly unconventional in just about everything I do at the moment, and, indeed, am likely to get more so!

The rhino bathes in the warmth of mud. I, too, must sink deeper into the earth as I re-establish my shamanic roots, taking the underworld as my bathing ground, so I can reach ever greater heights.

Feeling other people’s emotions more and more. Bodhicitta really is like being in love with every single thing.

 

 

Visions of Sisyphus

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After note: Also had an image of a man pushing a boulder up the side of a very pointed Himalayan mountain. However, once he reached the pinnacle, the boulder fell down the other side, and he flew up into space. This throws some interesting light on the legend of Sisyphus as a teaching about reincarnation. We incarnate into lives to learn, to become stronger, kinder, and increase our spiritual power and integrity. However, once we reach our climax, and we achieve much, we crumble and die, and are cast into another body, and thus, have to start the cycle all over again, right from the very bottom. It is enough to master the teachings of the Tao & and Dharma in one life time – but to have to return to it again and again, right from the bottom – what an endeavour!

This is the why the understanding of past lives is so useful in eastern countries. Because their reality is widely recognized, beings who are reincarnations or emanations of great teachers of holy men become recognized early on, and are able, with special training, to continue right from where they left off. One of these beings, reborn in the west, however, has to deal with a whole new set of obstacles – the pathologization of spirituality and mystical experiences in our culture – still pervasive literalist Christian dogma and superstition – and the quest to discover teachings which are foreign and opposed to our culture, and not very easy to come across.

However, a truly motivated spirit will always have the integrity to return to their original nature, regardless of the depravity of the society in which they find themselves, and The Great Spirit will orchestrate things so that all the right lessons, teachers, and experiences, fall into their path. Everything is well-taken care of. We just have to do our best, and not submit to ignorance and defeat.

Diary of a Mystic: The Pregnancy of Isis

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Green Tara Mantra. Divine Feminine invoked. I see an Egyptian goddess naked in the desert, her only adornment an elaborate headdress. Her beauty is striking, the sky is blue, and the desert sands are whirling opaquely around her. Her breasts are swollen with promise – her manner is graceful and serene. Her belly swells gravidly as she become pregnant. I focus on making my own body female, and visualize enfolding a womb of pure energy and potential within.

A man in a snow-covered land is sodomizing a dog, very much like a scene from an Eskimo Tale. The dog runs off, and I experience being the dog, dashing urgently through the snow, knowing that I have a message to convey.

Let’s analyze this like we do my dreams. Sand represents impermanence and constant change – beating around us, it signals the mysterious and vague. Isis pregnant with the newborn Horus – the thus come Osiris. Signals that life will be giving birth to new things, and that I, too, may be giving birth to a new version of myself – rightly so, after all my deaths! Swollen breasts – ripeness, fertility, comfort, nourishment, timeliness, the abundance of Spring. Also, the rebirth of ancient mysteries, and the divinity within us.

Man sodomizing a dog. Returning to one’s animal nature? Base instincts? Union of higher and lower? Conjoining one’s self with the qualities of a dog – loyal, devoted, playful, yet animalistic? Assuming the man came, then the dog has literally been filled with a message of sorts. Urgency, communication. Snow – purity, death, loneliness – racing through death to reach purity?

Diary of a Mystic: The Valley Spirit

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Following on from the previous meditation, I used Green Tara’s mantra, and focused on the divine feminine. I found it very healing and stabilizing, and an excellent antidote to the restlessness and irritability I have experienced whilst being ill.

I spent a lot of the meditation flying through space. I at once encountered an enormous totem pole, which, no matter how perseveringly I followed it, seemed to have no end. The faces on the totem were variously gnashing their teeth and sticking out their tongues. One may have tried to eat me momentarily, meaningless as that is.

Occasionally, whilst flying through the pneumas of space, a face would form in the shape of a Buddha, usually very large and expansive. I roamed through lots of peaceful cloud-woven realms. One of the mist-formed being had a bit more of wrathful appearance than the others, though here was certainly nothing to be feared. These are lands of tranquillity, full of peace and beauty. There is never any danger here.

Many of the beautiful landscapes through which I travelled were filled with gorgeous mountains and valleys. Some were lush with greenery, vegetation, plants, grass, moss and lichen; whilst others were more grand canyon like, featuring many chasms, low-rolling rivers, mesas and buttes – some were dense with jagged mountain peaks, sharply chewing up the sky, more like the Himalayas or certain parts of China. Some of these felt like Earthy landscapes, whilst many definitely were not. In general, I did not see many beings, human, otherworldly, or animal on this trip – just mists and vapors.

Dream Diary and Analysis: The Underground College

 

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Lots of complex dreams last night which I may struggle to arrange into a linear sequence.

I am in an incredibly large art college. The part in which we are residing is almost like an enormous trench, deeply grooved into the ground, with enormous facades rising up on either side. What a strange, strange building! We are doing an exhibit of all our final art pieces. People are rope climbing up the sides of these enormous walls to hang up our art for us like gargantuan banners. My work will be the first piece to displayed and judged once exhibition begins, and I’m feeling a little anxious about it – probably doesn’t help that I’ve no idea what my final piece is! Quite dark and sinister down there . . . . other parts of the college, large piles of cardboard boxes and labyrinthine corridors. Playing games. Are we paying a game of basket ball in one of the rooms, or in some other way horsing around? Yes, but there is a knock at the door, and I know there is something else sinister going on, though I could not relate what.

Standing outside another university, much brighter being outside, attractive red-brick building. I’m stood next to a red telephone box. End of the day? Am I picking someone up? I have been to this university in another dream, where I was trying to find the train route home. Dark streets.

I am walking down the castle meadows by the river. There is some sort of festival going on, and, as a result, there are a large number of cars parked all over the place, including down by the meadows, which is sometimes used as an overflow. I see some large otherworldly creatures flying about in the sky. I do not remember what the initial ones were; but, the final one is a large flying whale. I want to get closer to it and discover why it’s there. Even though I acknowledge it could be dangerous, finding out about its true nature seems to be far more important. In general, I do not recall seeing anyone I know very well in these dreams at all. Though, there was a small segment with n old friend. I was talking to him about being able to read minds, and he was rather insulting about it, telling me that I couldn’t. I was trying to inform him that being a mind-reader does not instantly enable you to know everything, but his ignorance was immoveable. Though irritated, I think I accepted it without getting particularly upset.

Interpretation:

A vast, labyrinthine college, deep below the ground – I am really learning and being educated about very deep matters which are incredibly complex and profound. I clearly do not know my way around this vast new terrain I am encountering, and feel a little lost, and in need of guidance. Though, no guide comes, suggesting that I will do alright if I keep persevering and having faith in my fearless drive to explore ever deeper and deeper. The cardboard boxes symbolize storage and memories – perhaps also the profound and wise hidden within the seemingly bland and identical – the lapis stone in which the gold is discretely hidden. It suggests that there is a lot to be explored, and a lot of boxes to be rifled through. The truth is not found in just a single one of them – just more and more pieces of the puzzle that I must keep on putting together to assemble an ever clearer picture of the nature of reality.

I do not recognize the students, meaning that I have more new friendships and associations to make along the way, and that my future will continue to beset my completely unfamiliar circumstances and experiences, becoming ever more complex and deep – and long may it continue to do so! I am a warrior, and I want nothing less than to keep hurling myself into the unknown, and enlightening myself and others through the bounty of obscurity that I discover.

My art piece is the first to be shown. This suggests the sense of something impending – more prognostications about my uncertainty of the future of my artistic life; though, given that I am the first to have their work shown, that the reality of it will be unfurled soon is apparent. Knocking at the door – something unknown is making its way in, but I have no understanding of it yet. The darkness and depth only compound this meaning. The rope climbing suggests an ascent – the need to rise upwards, and overcome obstacles through facing fears.

The other university is a continuation of yesterday’s dream, where I was also just on verge of leaving a classroom. The brief display of sunlight outside indicates a brief moment of clarity in otherwise obscure situation.The red telephone box – a glaring and bold need to communicate.

Walking down by the meadows – openness and freedom. The car park, as with yesterday’s dream, indicates the need to take a momentary rest from my journey. The flying whale in the sky was clearly an astral phenomena. Though I am encountering many strange things, which could be dangerous for all I know, I am still bringing myself closer and closer to it, to investigate its properties more clearly.

The whale is a deep sea creature – it is not normally something we see swimming through the sky! Things are becoming topsy-turvy – things seem to be where they shouldn’t . . .  but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be there – it’s just an example of how we ignorantly deceive ourselves by always trying to structure things. Whales are intelligent, musical, soulful animals, usually hidden from sight, though incredibly powerful. The hidden powers and intelligences of the universe are making themselves apparent, plain for all to see, though I seem to be the only paying them any regard. It reminds me very much of Tao Te Ching 20:

All the men are merry and joyous

As though partaking in a great feast

Or ascending the terrace of spring

I alone am rooted in tranquillity . . .

Calm and peaceful as the depths of the ocean

The festival means celebrations, parties, and jubilation are on the horizon. I may well be part of them – but I definitely – literally – have bigger fish to fry! And so feel indifferent and detached. Marvellous, marvellous dreams!

 

 

 

Astral Travel: Transformation and The Divine Feminine

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Waking up still feeling feverish, I decided I would spend several hours chanting Medicine Buddha’s mantra to stimulate my healing powers within. At the beginning of the meditation I just decided to passively chant the mantra, allowing visions to naturally arise as they pleased. Many of them were of Shiva and Shakti; of wandering across vast desert planes on foreign planets. Sitting in a mountain cave, covered by a waterfall, looking across an infinitely vast chasm, filled with clouds, space, and moisture. Once again, there was imagery relating to the Native Americans.

I focused on my Shakti, on my Divine Feminine, and tuned into the female body that exists within my male body, becoming aware of my breasts, my womb, my vagina, and the different sensation in terms of energetic vibrations. I focused Shiva-lingam energy onto the pearl of my clitoris, and felt waves of high-vibrating pleasure ascending up through my body. It’s no wonder women enjoy sex more than men – the pleasure is much more intense, yet also much more grounded and consistent. It does not peak quickly then wane, as with men, but endures evenly, capable of being prolonged inexhaustibly for those who know the techniques.

Being earthly, women are naturally more grounded than men. Their tranquillity and serenity is far deeper than could ever be fathomed. This is why men have subjugated women for so long – because they are afraid and jealous of their closer connection to the earth, and the inexhaustible supply of magic and energy that gives them access to – pure Shakti energy. Thus, women have been demeaned and separated from the Earth as much as possible. This is also why the current powers that be strive to artificialize women as much as possible, exploiting their insecurities, and brainwashing them into being obsessed with appearances, make-up, security, and a whole of host of frivolous poisons that detract and separate them from the all-powerful divine mother whom they embody. To all women who read this, may you be liberated from the shackles of such attachments, and return joyously to nature, as the divine sorceresses you are.

Once we get to the astral projection portion of my meditation, the use of words becomes far more unsatisfactory. For those who’ve never performed astral projection before, it creates a divided, yet unified sense of experience. Though you’re still conscious of your body sat immobile as you meditate, you will also feel the cosmic sensations of your etheric body as you project it through different dimensions. There is a mind-split involved here, which may feel uncomfortable at first. But, the more you become accustomed to maintaining trance, and the practice of using separate senses simultaneously – in this instance, internal chanting and visualization – then the more that split feels natural and unified. You even become aware, during your waking life, that such splits are occurring all the time, and that your various thought bodies are often off wandering in other places and dimensions, whilst your physical body is engrossed in its own activities.

The longer you maintain awareness and control over your etheric body, the more solid and crystallized your etheric body feels. As with anything, the experience becomes much more stable and expansive the more you practice it. In fact, making your etheric body dwell in a single spot, as though meditating, and imagining it crystallizing, as though into a golden statue, is one of the best ways of further reifying it.

I visited an amazing crystal castle in space, which had a very robust healing energy to it, especially if one stood in the central room, below the elevated spire. The crystal was all a sort of light-bluey quartz color. It made me think about King Ludwig II of Bavaria, and made me wonder whether it was memory of such places that impelled him to build his incredible, fairy-tale castles.

One of the most liberating and exciting thing about the etheric body, is that it can take on any form you direct it to. The initial form I usually take on is that of a Buddha, bodhisattva, or god with whom I have a strong relationship. The Buddha body is usually an ideal one, because it is very easy to drive, and one can use the energetic powers of his top-knot and third eye to illuminate all sorts of fascinating realms and worlds. But, all forms are capable of taking on any kind of amazing transformations at the drop of a thought.

One of the interesting experiences for me this time round is that, not only can we take on the forms of animals and beings, but also of vehicles, planets, buildings, boats, and houses – or just be formless and empty, like the vapours of space. It is very fun to experiment with these different bodies, the alchemical actions that occur as a result, as well as the knowledge one acquires through experimenting with different incarnations.

Most exciting of all is realizing that you can transform the etheric body to be many things at once, manifesting yourself as a whole plethora of beings and things. I even experienced creating a hole world, and manifesting individually – yet multifariously – as every being and thing on it. I imagined separating myself into an infinite multitude of bodhisattvas, who I could spread in all directions, to all possible worlds, to liberate as many living being as possible.

Of course, at this level, I realized that all beings are essentially ephemeral creations thought momentarily into existence by the universal mind, and that, as The Diamond Sutra says, there are really no beings to save. Though, of course, until all beings realize that, I still have a lot of work to do!

Learning to be formless and all-embracing is definitely a skill I would recommend all beings to master

POEM: Shiva’s Fire – The Egg of Death

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Throwing myself onto the ground

I allow Shiva’s feet

To smash me into the dirt

Grinding all of my skhandas

All of the interdependent aggregates of my self –

Into the filth of the earth

Momentarily overwrought

By the intense pain

Of disintegration

My isolated disconnectedness

Soon becomes unity

My bones and entrails

Becoming one with the soil

Every day

Is a new grave to be dug

A new self to be slaughtered

I want them all to die

To perish

To be obliterated

In the searing gaze

Of Shiva’s Fire

When father and daughter

Wife and brother

Are all united

As different aspects

Of the same transcendent

Uncategorizable relationship

Then I know

We won’t need to be apart

Any more

My dreams

Won’t be the only house

I can kiss you inside of

Daughter, daughter,

As you see me slaughtered

And trundled into the dirt

Can’t you see your true father emerging?

His buried corpse resurrected

Hatching anew

From the egg of death?

We can be together again at that time

But until then

It will be scrambled death for me