Poem: Confessions of a Cross-Dressing Frankenstein

frankenstein-1931

Today I missed you so much

I put on your underwear

I felt it was as close as I could get

To being near you again

It was as thrilling and exciting

As it was fundamentally depressing

Like climbing into your lover’s coffin

And waiting to for death to strike

Still, whilst I’m here,

I might as well enjoy it

And caress your sensuous skeleton

As I admire the murky moistened mud

That towers either side of us

I used to be a cross-dresser

Wearing women’s clothing all the time

Then I took

A several year jaunt

In manhood

Refashioning myself as a dandy

An ignoramus pretty boy

Straight from a Wodehouse novel

With cravat, perfect for choking

Either myself or others

Then spirituality struck

Gender became more ambiguous

Two forces

Raging into impact

That were always destined

To fuck

Now I spend my days

Visualizing myself as a goddess

The world shaking

Along the gelatinous curves

Of my erogenous hips

It was only a matter of time

Before I returned to your underwear

And found femininity

Lurking in my subconscious

Waiting to assault me

What I have learned from all this?

The mastery of synthesis

That which we lose

Can never be lost

That which we bury

Can always be unburied

Rising from the dead

To mate with the living

Like an orgiastic zombie

With a taste for seasoned genitals

Instead of brains

Take the broken parts of you

And fix them altogether

In the salvage yard of your mind

You can become a beautiful Frankenstein

For all the world to love

I will grieve at the burning windmill

Wishing you were still here

As I eat cold soup

From a blind man’s hands

My knickers getting

Wetter

And

Wetter

 

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Poem: Reality’s Pants

Vajrayogini

Take off reality’s pants

To see what she’s wearing

The naked awareness of truth

Is more erotic than you can imagine

All of my nadis

My spiritual channels

Erupt with a coronal vibrance

My blood becoming honey

No bee would dare to sting

But could ever refuse

Pucker up

Drive yourself wild

Sweat until you stink

And get high sniffing

Your own celestial indulgence

Reality really wants you

To play with her

To squeeze her,

To tug her,

To mess her up

She’s a nasty lady

There’s no denying that

As chaste as a nun

In the glint of orgasm

The primordial yabyum

Of nothing being fucked by something

Oh, it makes me want to melt!

And erupt into everything

So I squeeze my legs tight

And try not to scream

 

Astral Travel: Transformation and The Divine Feminine

astral_travel_by_jacolloy-d4q0idp

Waking up still feeling feverish, I decided I would spend several hours chanting Medicine Buddha’s mantra to stimulate my healing powers within. At the beginning of the meditation I just decided to passively chant the mantra, allowing visions to naturally arise as they pleased. Many of them were of Shiva and Shakti; of wandering across vast desert planes on foreign planets. Sitting in a mountain cave, covered by a waterfall, looking across an infinitely vast chasm, filled with clouds, space, and moisture. Once again, there was imagery relating to the Native Americans.

I focused on my Shakti, on my Divine Feminine, and tuned into the female body that exists within my male body, becoming aware of my breasts, my womb, my vagina, and the different sensation in terms of energetic vibrations. I focused Shiva-lingam energy onto the pearl of my clitoris, and felt waves of high-vibrating pleasure ascending up through my body. It’s no wonder women enjoy sex more than men – the pleasure is much more intense, yet also much more grounded and consistent. It does not peak quickly then wane, as with men, but endures evenly, capable of being prolonged inexhaustibly for those who know the techniques.

Being earthly, women are naturally more grounded than men. Their tranquillity and serenity is far deeper than could ever be fathomed. This is why men have subjugated women for so long – because they are afraid and jealous of their closer connection to the earth, and the inexhaustible supply of magic and energy that gives them access to – pure Shakti energy. Thus, women have been demeaned and separated from the Earth as much as possible. This is also why the current powers that be strive to artificialize women as much as possible, exploiting their insecurities, and brainwashing them into being obsessed with appearances, make-up, security, and a whole of host of frivolous poisons that detract and separate them from the all-powerful divine mother whom they embody. To all women who read this, may you be liberated from the shackles of such attachments, and return joyously to nature, as the divine sorceresses you are.

Once we get to the astral projection portion of my meditation, the use of words becomes far more unsatisfactory. For those who’ve never performed astral projection before, it creates a divided, yet unified sense of experience. Though you’re still conscious of your body sat immobile as you meditate, you will also feel the cosmic sensations of your etheric body as you project it through different dimensions. There is a mind-split involved here, which may feel uncomfortable at first. But, the more you become accustomed to maintaining trance, and the practice of using separate senses simultaneously – in this instance, internal chanting and visualization – then the more that split feels natural and unified. You even become aware, during your waking life, that such splits are occurring all the time, and that your various thought bodies are often off wandering in other places and dimensions, whilst your physical body is engrossed in its own activities.

The longer you maintain awareness and control over your etheric body, the more solid and crystallized your etheric body feels. As with anything, the experience becomes much more stable and expansive the more you practice it. In fact, making your etheric body dwell in a single spot, as though meditating, and imagining it crystallizing, as though into a golden statue, is one of the best ways of further reifying it.

I visited an amazing crystal castle in space, which had a very robust healing energy to it, especially if one stood in the central room, below the elevated spire. The crystal was all a sort of light-bluey quartz color. It made me think about King Ludwig II of Bavaria, and made me wonder whether it was memory of such places that impelled him to build his incredible, fairy-tale castles.

One of the most liberating and exciting thing about the etheric body, is that it can take on any form you direct it to. The initial form I usually take on is that of a Buddha, bodhisattva, or god with whom I have a strong relationship. The Buddha body is usually an ideal one, because it is very easy to drive, and one can use the energetic powers of his top-knot and third eye to illuminate all sorts of fascinating realms and worlds. But, all forms are capable of taking on any kind of amazing transformations at the drop of a thought.

One of the interesting experiences for me this time round is that, not only can we take on the forms of animals and beings, but also of vehicles, planets, buildings, boats, and houses – or just be formless and empty, like the vapours of space. It is very fun to experiment with these different bodies, the alchemical actions that occur as a result, as well as the knowledge one acquires through experimenting with different incarnations.

Most exciting of all is realizing that you can transform the etheric body to be many things at once, manifesting yourself as a whole plethora of beings and things. I even experienced creating a hole world, and manifesting individually – yet multifariously – as every being and thing on it. I imagined separating myself into an infinite multitude of bodhisattvas, who I could spread in all directions, to all possible worlds, to liberate as many living being as possible.

Of course, at this level, I realized that all beings are essentially ephemeral creations thought momentarily into existence by the universal mind, and that, as The Diamond Sutra says, there are really no beings to save. Though, of course, until all beings realize that, I still have a lot of work to do!

Learning to be formless and all-embracing is definitely a skill I would recommend all beings to master

Non-Ejaculation: Making Love with LIfe

Tao Sex

I reader of mine recently asked me for some pointers and advice regarding Tantric Sex. As it is quite a multi-layered subject, I’ve decided to write a series of articles on the matter.

The first step a man must undergo if he wishes to engage in Tantra is to cease wasting his semen. I know that may sound like rather a tall order; but, in truth, it is like giving up a mediocre meal so that you can be granted access to  ever-replenishing banquet with the gods. It is not for no reason that almost every religious and mystic sect demands complete celibacy from its members.

Most non-initiates would interpret this stern demand as a needless expression of dominance and mind-control. But this is incorrect, provided you have chosen to do so for the right reasons, and not sheerly out of dogma. There are many reasons, both practical and cosmic, for giving up ejaculation, whether in sex or masturbation, and I shall endeavor to delineate them for you here. Truly, it is giving up a destructive pleasure (that isn’t even pleasurable) for a greater one that is beneficial to body, heart, mind, and spirit.

In Taoism, a man’s seed is referred to as his ‘vital essence’. It is this storehouse of essence which keeps him alive and vital. But, if he masters the art of Tantric alchemy, he can use this vital essence to reach the infinite, using mundane, bodily energy to tap into the immortal, primordial energy which is the source of the entire universe.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, semen and sexual energy are associated with the kidneys and the legs. When our kidney chi and meridians are balanced and flowing well, they enable us to be lively, courageous, confident, and self-secure; but when our kidney chi is stagnant or deficient, as it will be if you squander your semen through ejaculation, then all of these good qualities will be lost, and you will find yourself feeling fearful, panicky, unconfident, and unstable. This may not be readily apparent if you are a young man, overflowing with sperm and vitality; but as you age, the negative effects of this expulsion will become apparent in every part of your being, body, mind, and soul.

I have been retaining my semen for almost seven months now, and it has had a completely transformative effect over me. Last year I was a mess, lacking in motivation, stamina, stability, and quickly upset or disturbed by any unforeseen circumstance. But since becoming celibate, I always feel alert, energetic, and confident, that, whatever task I must undertake, I always have an abundant reserve of energy to draw from, and am seldom perturbed by anything. The energy that I formerly squandered on ejaculation I now channel towards improving myself and the world, refining my being, and honing my meditation practice.

One of the most significant impacts it has had is on my psyche. It is typical, amongst the spiritually-immature, to view all pleasure as something that exists only outside of you, and a lot of energy is wasted and expended trying to acquire elusive pleasures through various methods of self-indulgence, when all pleasure comes from within.

But when, somewhat paraoxically, you give up self-indulgence, then you can you experience true pleasure. Pleasure does not come from indulging the self – it comes from merging the self with with the rest of the universe, so that your every act is an act of praise, of making love to the universe. When you are able to break-down all boundaries, making no difference between the bliss of yourself, and the bliss of another; making no distinction between the suffering of yourself, and the suffering of another, then you have truly reached Heaven’s Gate.

When it comes to sex, non-ejaculation teaches you to be selfless, present, and mindful, instead of being self-serving and willful. All too often, sex is seen like a goal, or a challenge, as both partners race after their respective orgasms, seeing pleasure as something they must achieve instead of something they already are. But when you are able to put pleasure and orgasms to one side, then you can be truly present with your partner, and enjoy being intimate with them as an act of love, instead of as an act of personal indulgence.

Only when you forego orgasms of the body and the self, can you experience orgasms of The Ultimate Self.

If any of you have any queries, you can always contact me at reubenftourettes@hotmail.co.uk and I will always be willing to help.