Diary of a Mystic: Spirit Animals and Forgiveness

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Interesting meditation before bed last night. The visualizations and interior depth of my meditations are beginning to return thankfully and joyously. This bug has been stuck on my chest at the moment, so I had to direct a lot of energy towards my heart chakra to help it heal, and to also, hopefully, reawaken the compassion and warmth that was temporarily occluded by my selfish sickness.

I saw quite a lot of magical spirit animals in this meditation: a leopard – a bear – an ant – and a few others I cannot immediately recall. An ant is symbol of the power of co-operating with others. Though tiny, army ants, through working together, are a fearsome force in the jungle. When tiny things assemble together, they are capable of achieving greatness. The importance of working together with others. Even on a singular basis, ants are incredibly strong, capable of lifting things that far exceed their size. As a colony, they function through psychic integration and intuition. And they are also supremely selfless, seeing themselves as a collective whole, and not as an assemblage egos each with their own unique desires to gratify.

The bear is almost the opposite of this. A solitary cave dweller, he prefers isolation, entering into the depths of darkness to perceive the essence of The Way. He is quite territorial, but also shy. To the Native Americans, the bear was emblematic of Virgo. So, I must reconcile and harmonize these two seemingly conflicting sides of my nature – the solitary and the social. That which desires to withdraw and work alone and within – and that which desires to unite with others, and work for the greater good. Both of them are ultimately seeking to attain the same thing – just through different methods and modalities.

According to my book of symbols, the Leopard was associated with the great destroyer Seth in the Egyptian pantheon. Priests would wear leopard pelts to symbolize their ascendency over the forces of destruction. The leopard, due to its cunning, strength, and blood-lust was also a symbol of the warrior castes, but also one of transformation – its coat changes with the seasons, and the loss of its spots indicates purity – losing the spots of sin.

A website on spirit animals had this to say of the leopard:

He is reminding you that there is always a period of rebirth after a period of suffering and death on some level. Leopard is the healer of deep wounds and will bring old issues to resolution through the reclaiming of power that was lost during the time of the wounding. He is reminding you that you have many resources, skills, capabilities, inner resources and patterns available to you that will allow you to do a broad range of tasks at will. These resources can be physical, mental, psychic, emotional and spiritual.

Alternatively the Leopard is letting you know that you need to accept your own spots and use them as your own strengths. Stop hiding because of your own perceived weaknesses. You have the power and the strength to accomplish everything you dream of. You simply have to believe, have faith and find the right path. Persistence is the keyword.

 

I think this is all incredibly relevant. I have been going through many deaths recently, and I’m currently on the upswing, and in gradual recovery mode. I feel very wounded at the moment from mistakes and experiences I’ve had recently, so to be assured of a resurgence of new power and strength and resolution is pleasing to the soul. The past week really did knock a lot of my confidence and faith out of me, so it will be beautiful to be realigned with an awareness of my limitless potential, instead of constantly being bound and stymied by self-limiting insecurities and worries.

I do also need to be more accepting of my own weakness, and not over-highlight them at the exclusion of the whole, but rather integrate thoroughly with them. All weaknesses can be converted into strength if you know the secret of transmutation. I think, especially, I have been castigating myself for my extreme changeability, seeing this aspect of my protean nature in an entirely negative light, when actually, it is an important part of my character, and abundant in virtue. Changeability is neither good nor bad in and of itself, for such transformations are an essential part of how the universe evolves. It is just about how you direct it (or how it directs you).

I had a beautiful moment of consolation earlier too. I prayed for forgiveness from a lover for all the pain that I’ve put her through. A voice reminded me that she’s already forgiven me. All these lifetimes, and unpleasant blips are insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Mercy and forgiveness are the basic modalities of the universe. She has never truly hated me, and will always love me. What forgiveness need there be?

Visions of Sisyphus

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After note: Also had an image of a man pushing a boulder up the side of a very pointed Himalayan mountain. However, once he reached the pinnacle, the boulder fell down the other side, and he flew up into space. This throws some interesting light on the legend of Sisyphus as a teaching about reincarnation. We incarnate into lives to learn, to become stronger, kinder, and increase our spiritual power and integrity. However, once we reach our climax, and we achieve much, we crumble and die, and are cast into another body, and thus, have to start the cycle all over again, right from the very bottom. It is enough to master the teachings of the Tao & and Dharma in one life time – but to have to return to it again and again, right from the bottom – what an endeavour!

This is the why the understanding of past lives is so useful in eastern countries. Because their reality is widely recognized, beings who are reincarnations or emanations of great teachers of holy men become recognized early on, and are able, with special training, to continue right from where they left off. One of these beings, reborn in the west, however, has to deal with a whole new set of obstacles – the pathologization of spirituality and mystical experiences in our culture – still pervasive literalist Christian dogma and superstition – and the quest to discover teachings which are foreign and opposed to our culture, and not very easy to come across.

However, a truly motivated spirit will always have the integrity to return to their original nature, regardless of the depravity of the society in which they find themselves, and The Great Spirit will orchestrate things so that all the right lessons, teachers, and experiences, fall into their path. Everything is well-taken care of. We just have to do our best, and not submit to ignorance and defeat.

Diary of a Mystic: The Valley Spirit

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Following on from the previous meditation, I used Green Tara’s mantra, and focused on the divine feminine. I found it very healing and stabilizing, and an excellent antidote to the restlessness and irritability I have experienced whilst being ill.

I spent a lot of the meditation flying through space. I at once encountered an enormous totem pole, which, no matter how perseveringly I followed it, seemed to have no end. The faces on the totem were variously gnashing their teeth and sticking out their tongues. One may have tried to eat me momentarily, meaningless as that is.

Occasionally, whilst flying through the pneumas of space, a face would form in the shape of a Buddha, usually very large and expansive. I roamed through lots of peaceful cloud-woven realms. One of the mist-formed being had a bit more of wrathful appearance than the others, though here was certainly nothing to be feared. These are lands of tranquillity, full of peace and beauty. There is never any danger here.

Many of the beautiful landscapes through which I travelled were filled with gorgeous mountains and valleys. Some were lush with greenery, vegetation, plants, grass, moss and lichen; whilst others were more grand canyon like, featuring many chasms, low-rolling rivers, mesas and buttes – some were dense with jagged mountain peaks, sharply chewing up the sky, more like the Himalayas or certain parts of China. Some of these felt like Earthy landscapes, whilst many definitely were not. In general, I did not see many beings, human, otherworldly, or animal on this trip – just mists and vapors.

Astral Travel: Transformation and The Divine Feminine

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Waking up still feeling feverish, I decided I would spend several hours chanting Medicine Buddha’s mantra to stimulate my healing powers within. At the beginning of the meditation I just decided to passively chant the mantra, allowing visions to naturally arise as they pleased. Many of them were of Shiva and Shakti; of wandering across vast desert planes on foreign planets. Sitting in a mountain cave, covered by a waterfall, looking across an infinitely vast chasm, filled with clouds, space, and moisture. Once again, there was imagery relating to the Native Americans.

I focused on my Shakti, on my Divine Feminine, and tuned into the female body that exists within my male body, becoming aware of my breasts, my womb, my vagina, and the different sensation in terms of energetic vibrations. I focused Shiva-lingam energy onto the pearl of my clitoris, and felt waves of high-vibrating pleasure ascending up through my body. It’s no wonder women enjoy sex more than men – the pleasure is much more intense, yet also much more grounded and consistent. It does not peak quickly then wane, as with men, but endures evenly, capable of being prolonged inexhaustibly for those who know the techniques.

Being earthly, women are naturally more grounded than men. Their tranquillity and serenity is far deeper than could ever be fathomed. This is why men have subjugated women for so long – because they are afraid and jealous of their closer connection to the earth, and the inexhaustible supply of magic and energy that gives them access to – pure Shakti energy. Thus, women have been demeaned and separated from the Earth as much as possible. This is also why the current powers that be strive to artificialize women as much as possible, exploiting their insecurities, and brainwashing them into being obsessed with appearances, make-up, security, and a whole of host of frivolous poisons that detract and separate them from the all-powerful divine mother whom they embody. To all women who read this, may you be liberated from the shackles of such attachments, and return joyously to nature, as the divine sorceresses you are.

Once we get to the astral projection portion of my meditation, the use of words becomes far more unsatisfactory. For those who’ve never performed astral projection before, it creates a divided, yet unified sense of experience. Though you’re still conscious of your body sat immobile as you meditate, you will also feel the cosmic sensations of your etheric body as you project it through different dimensions. There is a mind-split involved here, which may feel uncomfortable at first. But, the more you become accustomed to maintaining trance, and the practice of using separate senses simultaneously – in this instance, internal chanting and visualization – then the more that split feels natural and unified. You even become aware, during your waking life, that such splits are occurring all the time, and that your various thought bodies are often off wandering in other places and dimensions, whilst your physical body is engrossed in its own activities.

The longer you maintain awareness and control over your etheric body, the more solid and crystallized your etheric body feels. As with anything, the experience becomes much more stable and expansive the more you practice it. In fact, making your etheric body dwell in a single spot, as though meditating, and imagining it crystallizing, as though into a golden statue, is one of the best ways of further reifying it.

I visited an amazing crystal castle in space, which had a very robust healing energy to it, especially if one stood in the central room, below the elevated spire. The crystal was all a sort of light-bluey quartz color. It made me think about King Ludwig II of Bavaria, and made me wonder whether it was memory of such places that impelled him to build his incredible, fairy-tale castles.

One of the most liberating and exciting thing about the etheric body, is that it can take on any form you direct it to. The initial form I usually take on is that of a Buddha, bodhisattva, or god with whom I have a strong relationship. The Buddha body is usually an ideal one, because it is very easy to drive, and one can use the energetic powers of his top-knot and third eye to illuminate all sorts of fascinating realms and worlds. But, all forms are capable of taking on any kind of amazing transformations at the drop of a thought.

One of the interesting experiences for me this time round is that, not only can we take on the forms of animals and beings, but also of vehicles, planets, buildings, boats, and houses – or just be formless and empty, like the vapours of space. It is very fun to experiment with these different bodies, the alchemical actions that occur as a result, as well as the knowledge one acquires through experimenting with different incarnations.

Most exciting of all is realizing that you can transform the etheric body to be many things at once, manifesting yourself as a whole plethora of beings and things. I even experienced creating a hole world, and manifesting individually – yet multifariously – as every being and thing on it. I imagined separating myself into an infinite multitude of bodhisattvas, who I could spread in all directions, to all possible worlds, to liberate as many living being as possible.

Of course, at this level, I realized that all beings are essentially ephemeral creations thought momentarily into existence by the universal mind, and that, as The Diamond Sutra says, there are really no beings to save. Though, of course, until all beings realize that, I still have a lot of work to do!

Learning to be formless and all-embracing is definitely a skill I would recommend all beings to master

Short Story: The Samurai

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The Samurai was upset with himself.

He had spent years training in the Way of the Warrior, refining and strengthening himself ceaselessly, acquiring understanding and skill in the myriad transformations and the non-acquired form of formlessness.

He had mastered inner tranquility and renounced all his attachments; engaged in bloody battles as if they were no more trivial than child’s play. He had severed the eyelashes off mosquitoes, and gorged himself on the blood of his gurus. He had meditated in charnel grounds, piling up pillows of corpses as his meditation seat, inhaling the fetor as though it were nothing at all; nuzzling himself into the flesh of death, as though it were the bosom of his very own mother.

In short, the Samurai thought he knew death. It no longer chased him like a pirate’s black flag – he threw himself into it, like a child into a carefully designed pit of multi-coloured balls. If there was a pit of snakes, he would entangle himself in it; if there was a wild boar, he would wrestle with it; if there was a demon, he would convert it; if there was a delusion, he would obliterate it.

But the Samurai knew nothing of death, nothing at all, nothing whatsoever. He had steeled his senses and brutalized his ego mind until he truly believed there was no foe he would be afraid to face, no battle he would balk at the notion of engaging in. The blood of the world was the medium in which he moved; the skulls of the fallen were his best friends, and the chalices from which he scooped their victorious brains.

But, for now, the samurai felt a terror – a terror he had truly never felt before. Of course he had known fear, he had always known fear – he had known it in more battles than he could count, and more quivering heartbeats than could be enumerated. But that was always a manageable fear – a fear with a purpose – a fear with a very practical intention of fulfillment in mind.

This terror was different. It had no logic – only a throbbing tachycardiac pulse. This was a fear beyond destruction – a fear that even his unity with destruction might have been destroyed.

But that was what he had come to realize. He had merely flirted with destruction up to now. All his tireless training, his indefatigable cultivation of mind, body and spirit – all of that had merely been foreplay preparing for the main course – a rape of his will that threatened to shatter the very last bastions of selfhood he had not even realized still existed.

For the Samurai had met a girl. And the girl was nice. She had beautiful eyes, and a smile, and all those other things nice girls are in the habit of having.

What’s worse is that this girl mattered to the samurai. Her being, her presence, her life-hood – all these energies of her essence intermingled with his own to create a horror of insecurity – the literal chastisement of security. The Samurai had fought in battles without weapons, nude and devoid of armour, clubbing opponents to death, not with a club, but with the sheer ferocity of his willpower.

But this girl had penetrated the cracks in his armour – wormed her way into his body like an intestinal parasite, and forced him to have feelings.

Of course, such feelings had arisen in the past. But they were brief, and light, and frivolous, and no heavier than a monk’s pay-check. This was strong, onerous, burdensome, impossible to lift. It was stronger than him. It was an enemy he could not defeat.

And so he accepted the defeat that had always eluded him. Accepted it into heart, into his mind, into his muscles, and into his bones. He let the defeat wash over him like the smothering mother of the ocean. He let it perfuse his veins, enter his cells, causing mass cell die-off and DNA scrambling. He let the defeat endure in his body, and his face – gone was the ferocity, the colourlessly stern face of death – now he was just a quivering tumour, a jellied milksop, a tear momentarily animated by a human form. He was pure pain, pain that cannot be ameliorated, pain that cannot be denied, pain that cannot be ignored. Pure unacceptable pain that you have no choice but to accept. Pain, pain, pain.

And it felt wonderful! All the accrued tension, all the habitual firmness and indomitability had finally been dominated, and it felt great!

And so the samurai buried his corpses, treasured away his skull cups, took off his armour, assembled his scars, kept defeat as his only possession, and entered into the corpse-strewn battlefield of his lover’s mysterious arms.

Visualization Exercise: The Ocean of Light

This is a very healing and beneficial meditation exercise I like to call ‘The Ocean of Light’. First, begin by seating yourself in a comfortable position, (preferably lotus, or half-lotus, though laying flat on your back is also permissible), keep your spine straight but relaxed, and take some time to enjoy some deep breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth, before settling down your breathing to a much gentler and unconscious rate.

Before closing your eyes, you may find it helps to light a candle and place it in front of you so that it is level with your line of sight. Pick a point on the candle, either the sharp tip at its apex, or the juncture at its base where it conjoins with the wick, and fix your attention to it, unwaveringly. Stare at it for as long as you need to in order to get this image of light as a primal substance firmly affixed in your mind.

As you stare undivertedly at the candle flame, you will find that hidden textures emerge from the light that you had never previously known where there. Explore these complexities and subtleties of the flame, and use it to enhance the depth of your vision. You can later begin to apply this new-found acuity to your own mind once you begin to meditate. You may also find that others colours that you would not expect begin to emerge from the light. Shadows and forms may lurch around the candle and the candle flame, without your conscious input. If you stare long enough, you may even find that these shadows and forms begin to take on definite characters and faces. If this occurs, do not be disturbed or excited. Just let them do what they will let, and hold fast to your concentration.

Once you feel your relaxation and concentration have become refined enough, close your eyes, and imagine that you are surrounded by a luminous ocean of light. This light is very different from the one you have just been looking at, as it is requires no fire or other fuel source to generate itself; rather, it is pure photonic energy, liquid light, stretching as far as you can see around you. It is a bright, supernal light, even brighter than the sun; but it does not blind you, for it is a loving, healing light, gentle, divine, and lambent.

Settling gently into this ocean of liquid light, imagining this light rising around you, consuming you, and holding you, starting first at your feet and legs, before moving up your torso and head, until it envelopes and contains you completely. Feel the sensation of this light against your skin, gentle, warming, and seeming to wash away any negativity or discomfort you might be holding onto. It should be a delicate, sensuous process. Enjoy it, and let it take its time.

Next, imagine the pores on your skin widening, to let the light inside your body. Let this light drift through all of your arteries and veins, along your nerves, through your muscle tissue, your bones, your marrow, and into the centre of your internal organs: your heart, your kidneys, your lungs, your stomach, your spleen, your pancreas, your bladder, gall bladder and intestines. To get to your brain, imagine the light penetrating your eyes, your mouth, your nose, and your ears, and passing along these channels to reach your cerebellum and cerebral cortex. The more detail in which you are able to imagine both your body and the light, the more therapeutic the meditation will be, so you may find it beneficial to look at, and memorize, anatomical drawings of the body before beginning. If there is any particular part of your body which is suffering or diseased, you may want to spend a bit longer bringing waves upon wave of liquid light to this particular body part or organ until you begin to feel its discomfort alleviating. Remember: Hypnotists have been able to use their abilities to induce anaesthesia in their subjects. As meditation is just a different branch of self-hypnosis, you will also be able to induce a sense of pleasurable painlessness in yourself if you are able to concentrate intensely enough. The mind is a better healer than any doctor or drug, so it is beneficial to devote regular effort to refining this practice.

You may spend as long a time in The Ocean of Light as you wish. It is your Ocean, and you can go back to it whenever you want to. All you have to do is relax and close your eyes. You may even want to explore this ocean, and see what lies hidden in its waves and watery depths. Magical fish, mermaids, divine beings, mysterious coral caves – what you may find is limitless. And, as the success of this of this stage largely depends upon your imagination, I will leave what you do with it up to you.

When you are ready to finish the meditation, savour the light for a few more moments, and make some affirmations to yourself about how you would like to feel, what kind of person you want to be, and what you would like to achieve. Then, after counting slowly up to ten from zero, open your eyes, have a good stretch, and resume living your life, happier, calmer, and healthier than before.