A lot of incredibly powerful wrathful energy came through me yesterday evening. It was a very unusual experience, like being a child, I felt incredibly happy and ecstatic, yet also very quick to wrath, and felt anger about a lot of things. It began when I was preparing for my massage, and then came through as a black Dakini-like figure during the massage – my face was contorting, and I was struggling quite a lot not to go into trance right there in the middle of the session! Had it been a friend accustomed to such things, I might have allowed it; but I had a responsibility to he client, and could not go full shaman in that moment. One day, I will do, when I have clients coming to me precisely for that reason.
I decided to subdue it by meditating after my bath, and doing a Vajrayogini meditation. Though my parents had gone to bed, I still felt impelled to chant spontaneously in that mysterious Asiatic language. It was a lovely, serene meditation, and I felt soothed very quickly, like entering into deep space, occasionally suffused by a beautiful dark blue light.
At one point, I saw a rhino before me, and I quickly became the rhino. I could feel the power of its enormous horn protruding from my third eye. I was strong, stolid, stable, serene and silent. A heavy piece of ponderous peace. Here is a list of attributes associated with the rhino as a spirit animal:
- Peace of Mind
- Sensory Perception
I would say all of these are extremely relevant to my current experience. More and more I am relishing my solitude and freedom from all constraints. The need for stability as I acquire ever greater and more volatile sources of energy. Gratitude for everything, especially the opportunity to love and serve all beings. Judgement, so that I have the perspicacity to still do the right thing, and not allow the impulsiveness of these new energy flows to get the better of me. And I feel thoroughly unconventional in just about everything I do at the moment, and, indeed, am likely to get more so!
The rhino bathes in the warmth of mud. I, too, must sink deeper into the earth as I re-establish my shamanic roots, taking the underworld as my bathing ground, so I can reach ever greater heights.
Feeling other people’s emotions more and more. Bodhicitta really is like being in love with every single thing.